guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
