I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
