Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Where is the hickey?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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