The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
