so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
