My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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