i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
