Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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