I'm so fucking centered right now
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
