I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
