we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
