why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
