we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Found your dick twin last night
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
