i was born a porn star she said
the condom got lost in my hair
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
