I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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