The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
