my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
