dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Shame - the story of my life.
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