Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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