I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.