There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.