Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.