This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
