Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
