Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Hippo gnu deer
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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