just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
