It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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