what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think a kid would responsible me up
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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