I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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