I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.