She announced her abortion via fbk
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
