Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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