we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
