Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
