It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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