Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
