I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Well I just put wine in my tea
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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