another moral hangover. fuck.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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