I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
