i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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