My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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