I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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