you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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