I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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