I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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