how can u be prego again
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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