Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize