he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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