Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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