I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
