she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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