Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
