He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
