Your tits are I can't wait for
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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