I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
