Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
