I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
you had me at cake vodka
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
