Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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