Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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