Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
