Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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