bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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