Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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