Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
