If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
is wine microwaveable?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
