There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just want nice things and good sex
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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