I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
