I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
