I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude i'm inner monologue high
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
