evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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