Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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